completelycrazy | week 4 - austria

[Newt recoils a bit, having finally caught on that he is broaching uncomfortable territory. Whoops!]

I don't know! That's not really what I meant! It's just... It was probably hard for her? Just like it's hard for you!

[Okay, scratch that, recalculating.] Never mind how Prussia feels. How do you feel?

[Austria physically recoils at the question, unaware that she accidentally already betrayed her feelings about Prussia in the middle of her rant.]

... It doesn't matter! She doesn't like me!

Edited 2017-08-31 05:42 (UTC)

[YEAH BUT ADMIT IT!!!!]

It does too matter! Why would it not matter?

[...Wait.] Did you say you tried to confess it back?

[You'd thinking going through this with Yato and Joshua respectively would take some of the edge of this but.]

...

NEIN!!

[Mariazell is tangled up in an obvious heart shape on top of her head though.]

[He snorts, but does his best to bite back a smile. It... goes okay.]

Okay, okay. If you're sure!

[And because this is definitely the best possible move:]

I just wanted to doublecheck, y'know? Now that it turns out we're not actually dead and she could be joining us, like, at any time... I was thinking I might take a run at her myself. So, if you're not calling dibs...

[It's a 50/50 shot at whether or not he's joking.]

[Austria freezes in place suddenly hearing her heart beat in her ears... honestly? She doesn't want to see Prussia with Newt. Although. No one could argue they didn't have some sort of chemistry. If Prussia really liked Newt in that way... it made sense? When she shot him she seemed so broken up over it...

And that promise... to find each other in the end. It was all very...]

[Mariazell wilts.

Austria's legs abruptly cave, dropping her to sit awkwardly on the floor.]

If that's what makes her happy... then... who am I to argue...

[Oh, crap. He expected her to yell at him again. This is the opposite of what he wanted??? He joins her on the floor, not sure what else to do.]

Wow, where'd all that fire go? I was kidding. [...] Sort of. But I'm not about to butt in between you two. There's obviously some complicated feelings happening on both sides.

[She's the type who acts fierce but ends up compromising more often than not.]

...oh.

[Now she just feels silly thumbing at her eyes for tears.]

...

Even if I did possibly develop some sort of... feeling of the positive variety for Prussia over the course of these last few weeks...

It's irrelevant. Despite what she may have said in a moment of high emotion and stress I am quite sure that she has no interest in a woman such as myself.

[Frustrated, he lets out a breath. He doesn't really get why this is so complicated?

Then again he's a total hypocrite and would similarly dig his heels in if he ever developed romantic feelings for Hermann which he wouldn't because that would be ridiculous.]

How, though? How are you so sure? Everything I've seen tells me otherwise.

...If I tell you something rather personal about myself, will you keep it to yourself?

[His eyebrows shoot up for a moment. People usually don't confide in him, so this is a bit of a shock.]

Of course.

Prussia and myself were founded with the intention of being fighting states. She, obviously, fulfilled her destiny to her fullest potential. I however, struggled with it immensely.

Europe back then was nothing but constant fighting amongst one another. Someone like myself didn't fit in with the values of the time. I tried to get stronger. I tried to fight better. I tried... but despite all my efforts I was simply incapable of being what my people needed me to be for them.

To someone like her, I am devoid of worth. What good is a nation incapable of holding her ground or defending her people with her own strength?

Eventually I managed to align myself with others who were more capable of fighting than myself and managed to claw my way to prominence on my own terms. It was unconventional to gain power and solve problems through unions and marriages-- but that was how I acquired the strength I needed that I didn't possess on my own.

The very concept of someone so weak becoming such a great empire, spits in the face of everything Prussia believes in. Everything she had worked and fought so hard for.

For the better part of our history we were constantly at each others throats, our ideologies as to what makes an empire great constantly clashing... I loved the arts, music, food-- all frivolities to Prussia's love of strategy, glory and war.

Eventually all my unions fell apart. [Austria rubs at her legs absent-mindedly.] and I was left even weaker than I was as a child.

Edited 2017-08-31 08:06 (UTC)

The world changed and she suffered an even greater loss.

The loss of her own nationhood. The loss of her own national identity. The loss of her own people.

Meanwhile I, the nation she had reviled for so long, persisted. in all my weakness and frailty. With all my frivolous passions.

I don't think she's ever forgiven me for it.

She has never loved me and she will never love me.

Because to Prussia, there has never been or ever will be anything about me worth loving.

[Newt listens quietly as Austria explains their history. Being German, he's more or less familiar with everything she's talking about, but the nations-as-people thing will never be something he can wrap his head around. But, whatever, that's not really important here.

What is important is none of this really checks out with how Prussia's been acting since Austria's execution. It was only a week, and Newt doesn't know Prussia or Austria very well yet, but still. There's gotta be some piece of the puzzle that he's still missing.

He wishes Prussia ~~would hurry up and die already~~ was here so he could sit them both down and make them talk this crap out.]

Look, it's not that I don't believe you. I do. Obviously you know your relationship with her better than I do, but... Sorry. I think you're wrong.

[His eyes fall to the ground as he picks at the hem of his pajama pants.] She, uh. After your execution? She had this plan, but something happened with the Chiefs and they wouldn't let her make the arrangements, so she didn't go through with it. She told me she was going to kill herself Sunday morning. That way, there'd be no one to execute you, and you would've lived.

[He leans back to relax against her bed with a sigh.] If that's not love, dude, I don't know what is.

[Austria wasn't expecting that from Prussia.]

...She did that?

I don't think it's possible that two weeks could change centuries of ill-will and hatred so quickly!

[Being trapped here together though, Austria admits that within herself something towards Prussia changed. Prussia was still of course annoying, irritating, impossible and endlessly foolish!!

But. Prussia had somehow managed to surprise her. Promising to do everything she could to get Austria home safe. Helping her with survivalist tasks Austria didn't understand and encouraging her to not just sit in her hut sulking about their situation. Asking her to play music for her, even though it wasn't to her tastes. Gathering dandelion roots to make Austria coffee when she was in her worst moods. Staying with her that night before the trial when Austria was most afraid and lost. Trying to get her to stand up and fight in her last moments, despite the inevitable ending of Joshua's trial.]

If I were a person ... I would be afraid to open my heart for it to be broken again.

[Because this isn't a marriage or a union where the person Austria loved was forced to leave her. This would be a relationship between two consenting parties with no political strings attached.]

Edited 2017-08-31 21:23 (UTC)

[He shrugs. Feelings changing in two weeks does sound a bit dramatic to him too, but he's working with the info he's got.] I don't know what to tell you. This island has been a wild ride for all of us. Maybe she rethought her priorities.

[But that doesn't really solve Austria's problem. Not that he's in any position to be giving relationship advice... What the hell is he doing here, exactly?]

You don't think being with Prussia would be different?

[It would be different. That's the problem. It would be a purely emotional relationship that she, Austria: the person, would be pursuing. It's reminiscent of how honest she was with her feelings in her youth and frankly the idea of being so honest and personal with someone else after centuries of forcing herself into being how she is now... terrifies her.]

...

If you want me to believe in such a thing, then she has to tell me herself.

[Austria realizes that Prussia not being dead complicates things in this respect, but. She's been around for a thousand years. She can wait a few weeks longer.]

[Well, that's fair. This feels like progress, at least.]

I'm sure she will once she's, uh. Here. [Which he's hoping happens soon?? But man, it's weird and perhaps uncool to wish that your friend would hurry up and die already. It's not really dying, though, so... It's probably fine????

Newt will be wrestling with these weird feelings for the remainder of the game so may as well shelve that for now!!]

Did she end up coming to see you, by the way?

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