Dr. Newton Geiszler (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
completelycrazy) wrote2018-04-12 08:35 pm
completelycrazy) wrote2018-04-12 08:35 pm
Entry tags:
week 5 - a message on newt's tape recorder
[Congrats, Hermann, you've found Newt's tape recorder! There's a message for you on it. It's also in German, so get rekt, eavesdroppers.]
Hey Hermann, uh... Maybe we got a chance to talk about this, maybe we didn't. I don't know. I thought I'd prep some insurance in case someone offs me tonight, which, uh... I'm pretty sure it's coming, buddy. I'm sorry. Don't let them execute you, though. I doubt the Reapers will come after me, so you'll have someone else to pact with. You're, uh, just as smart as me, right? Hah...
Um. So, here's what I know, all conveniently compiled into one verbal document for you. I'd write it, but you had that whole issue with the writing thing in the rulebooks, and you always bitch about my... Whatever. I think better when I'm talking.
I told some people about what we did. Sorry. I left you out of it when I could. Undine knows--she's a Reaper, by the way. I can't remember if you knew that. I think you did. More on that in a sec. She, um... You can trust her. She was cool about it. Ichigo knows, too. He'd already figured it out, and he was gonna heal me after Izaya... You know. There wasn't any point in lying.
Uh, I told Setz. He punched me. I deserved it. I told him what I--I mean, I told him the secrets I'd been keeping, about Jacopo's murder and all, the information we learned, how, uh, ultimately it was basically for nothing. I didn't plan on confessing to him, but, I don't know. I saw him and it just felt like the fair thing to do, since I was asking him to trust me. I wanted us to be allies. I still don't really know where he stands. If I'm dead, maybe it was him? I kind of don't think so, but... Either way, keep that to yourself. We've already done him dirty. With me out of the picture, you're gonna need his help to get out of here. He said he would be telling some people he trusts about what I did as a price for agreeing to work with me. Not like I can argue with that, you know? I told him to leave you out of it. I don't think he knows you were involved, or if he does, he's not going to make trouble for you.
Apparently Setz told Magnus and Taako, and, uh, they weren't too happy about it. They tracked me down and Magnus roughed me up a bit. I'm fine, don't worry. [A beat.] Or, well. Whatever.
They snuck a confession out of me and recorded it on Izaya's phone. I realized what was happening and got them to turn it off, but they were maybe going to use it against me at the trial. I... Well, I'll get to that in a minute. Long story short, I think they get that this game is more important than holding a grudge. I don't know that I trust them, or at least not completely, but they mean well. They want to help. Oh, and on the recording? I didn't mention you. They know you were involved, though. I... I slipped up. I'm sorry. Maybe they knew already, but... I swear I didn't out you on the recording. I was careful. If anyone asks, I told you after the investigation and you agreed to cover for me because we're partners, alright?
After that, I kind of, um, I panicked a little. I was sure they were going to come after me at the trial, or maybe they'd go after you if I wasn't around to take the fall... That's the plan, by the way. Find someone to vote for that isn't a Reaper but isn't strictly innocent, either. Anyway, I needed to talk to Lenka, and I figured I should get ahead of this... I told him that Magnus and Taako bullied me into a confession and were going to try to bring it up at trial to scapegoat me. I... [He huffs out a breath.] I feel like shit about this one. Moreso than the confessions, which is weird, maybe. I convinced Lenka that I'm innocent and that Magnus and Taako were trying to frame me. I don't know how it happened. I just wanted to swap intel with him, and then there we were, talking about, like, conspiracy theories and shit. I don't know. I was sc-- [He clears his throat.] He doesn't know, is my point. Or maybe he does by now. He wanted to go talk to Magnus and Taako. To protect me. Us. I told him not to, but we'll see if he listens.
And, um... I really messed up with this one. I didn't mean to, okay? It just... She kind of figured it out, and I wasn't sure how to backpedal. Mary knows. It--it's okay, though. We're okay. We made up. She freaked out at first, but then we talked, and... Just... Look out for her, will you?
[The recording is quiet for a long moment.]
Um, right. You already know about Akira and Undine, but Ichigo? He's another one, from Jacopo's faction. He thinks he's going to die tonight, too. He was working on a list when I met with him earlier, so check his body at the investigation, if it comes to that. If not, ask him about it. It looked promising. He's good people, too. He's been healing me all week.
Uh... What else? Hm. [There's a tapping sound, like he's drumming his fingers trying to think.] Oh, I, uh. I talked to Max earlier in the week. He said we didn't screw ourselves out of getting saved at the end. By, y'know, killing Jacopo. He said he wouldn't have given us the hint and encouraging us to murder if it was just going to screw us over in the end. Told you, dude. And--
[He stops short.]
Sorry. I almost said something I'm not supposed to say. I'd tell you if I could, but you can just as easily figure it out for yourself. You should, um, ask Max about meeting with the Composer. You'll have to write up a letter--I just scribbled something out on a page I tore out of the rulebook, it's pretty low pressure--and, well, that should get you in. Maybe you could meet with the Conductor, too? I don't know much them. Here's what I did find out, though.
[There's some rustling as he organized his notes. This was important enough to write down, apparently.]
Okay, um... Man, where do I start? She said she is the one to determine who gets to live and who stays dead at the end of the game. I don't think it works quite like we've been assuming. It's not a matter of limited slots versus everyone surviving. It's more like... Limited slots is the default, but if we do well collectively, I think she'll choose to increase the number of slots. Theoretically, everyone can survive--including the Reapers, though they just get to keep being Reapers--but she said anyone who does individually terribly in the game won't get a second shot at life, no matter how well the rest of us do. It's easier to rule people out than to say for sure who is getting a second chance, apparently. Of course, she wouldn't tell me who's all on either list right now, but, um, I asked about you. You're in the clear as of now. So is Mary. Me too, uh, theoretically.
She said she's not sure how long the game is going to continue--like, we're approaching the time limit, but she couldn't be sure as to whether or not we'll end this thing prematurely. But she did say that we're "fairly close" to saving everyone, and that we'll likely know for sure by next week. If we managed to save everyone or not, I mean. And, shit, I guess I didn't ask if she meant that we as Players would find out or if just she would know... My bad. Ask her if you get around to meeting with her.
I was asking her about that weird note Taako found, the one about all of us being top candidates for winning our home games? Or whatever? Each game is different, apparently. They all have different goals, different hoops to jump through... Like, the examples she gave: Some are just completing missions like the ones we do every week, some are, uh, much more... Unforgiving, I think she said. Brutal. Something like that. And they always have one way to win. It's pass/fail. Simple.
Now you know everything I do. Did. I don't know. I guess I'm probably one of those "souls" floating around now or something. I'll send you a message if I can. I don't, uh, know how being dead works. And, um... Don't go throwing in the towel or getting reckless just because I'm not around to keep you on the ball. If you blow this and I'm dead forever, I'm personally gonna haunt your ass, you hear me? You think the music in the lab is bad now, well... [He laughs a little.] Don't let them throw out my specimens and stuff, please. That stuff is important. I know you and everyone else gets on my case about the whole "Kaiju groupie" thing but, seriously Hermann, knowledge is valuable. If you all do manage to save the world, it's still worth learning about what we were up against. Studying the Kaiju has a ton of potential. I, uh... I guess I don't know how, exactly, since all that's been scrubbed out of my head, but... [He makes a noncommittal "mm" noise. A vocal shrug.
And then there's a few seconds of silence.]
So... Cool. Good luck solving my, uh, murder and all. I'll see you around then, I guess. Maybe.
...Bye.
[There's a click as he shuts the recording off.]
Hey Hermann, uh... Maybe we got a chance to talk about this, maybe we didn't. I don't know. I thought I'd prep some insurance in case someone offs me tonight, which, uh... I'm pretty sure it's coming, buddy. I'm sorry. Don't let them execute you, though. I doubt the Reapers will come after me, so you'll have someone else to pact with. You're, uh, just as smart as me, right? Hah...
Um. So, here's what I know, all conveniently compiled into one verbal document for you. I'd write it, but you had that whole issue with the writing thing in the rulebooks, and you always bitch about my... Whatever. I think better when I'm talking.
I told some people about what we did. Sorry. I left you out of it when I could. Undine knows--she's a Reaper, by the way. I can't remember if you knew that. I think you did. More on that in a sec. She, um... You can trust her. She was cool about it. Ichigo knows, too. He'd already figured it out, and he was gonna heal me after Izaya... You know. There wasn't any point in lying.
Uh, I told Setz. He punched me. I deserved it. I told him what I--I mean, I told him the secrets I'd been keeping, about Jacopo's murder and all, the information we learned, how, uh, ultimately it was basically for nothing. I didn't plan on confessing to him, but, I don't know. I saw him and it just felt like the fair thing to do, since I was asking him to trust me. I wanted us to be allies. I still don't really know where he stands. If I'm dead, maybe it was him? I kind of don't think so, but... Either way, keep that to yourself. We've already done him dirty. With me out of the picture, you're gonna need his help to get out of here. He said he would be telling some people he trusts about what I did as a price for agreeing to work with me. Not like I can argue with that, you know? I told him to leave you out of it. I don't think he knows you were involved, or if he does, he's not going to make trouble for you.
Apparently Setz told Magnus and Taako, and, uh, they weren't too happy about it. They tracked me down and Magnus roughed me up a bit. I'm fine, don't worry. [A beat.] Or, well. Whatever.
They snuck a confession out of me and recorded it on Izaya's phone. I realized what was happening and got them to turn it off, but they were maybe going to use it against me at the trial. I... Well, I'll get to that in a minute. Long story short, I think they get that this game is more important than holding a grudge. I don't know that I trust them, or at least not completely, but they mean well. They want to help. Oh, and on the recording? I didn't mention you. They know you were involved, though. I... I slipped up. I'm sorry. Maybe they knew already, but... I swear I didn't out you on the recording. I was careful. If anyone asks, I told you after the investigation and you agreed to cover for me because we're partners, alright?
After that, I kind of, um, I panicked a little. I was sure they were going to come after me at the trial, or maybe they'd go after you if I wasn't around to take the fall... That's the plan, by the way. Find someone to vote for that isn't a Reaper but isn't strictly innocent, either. Anyway, I needed to talk to Lenka, and I figured I should get ahead of this... I told him that Magnus and Taako bullied me into a confession and were going to try to bring it up at trial to scapegoat me. I... [He huffs out a breath.] I feel like shit about this one. Moreso than the confessions, which is weird, maybe. I convinced Lenka that I'm innocent and that Magnus and Taako were trying to frame me. I don't know how it happened. I just wanted to swap intel with him, and then there we were, talking about, like, conspiracy theories and shit. I don't know. I was sc-- [He clears his throat.] He doesn't know, is my point. Or maybe he does by now. He wanted to go talk to Magnus and Taako. To protect me. Us. I told him not to, but we'll see if he listens.
And, um... I really messed up with this one. I didn't mean to, okay? It just... She kind of figured it out, and I wasn't sure how to backpedal. Mary knows. It--it's okay, though. We're okay. We made up. She freaked out at first, but then we talked, and... Just... Look out for her, will you?
[The recording is quiet for a long moment.]
Um, right. You already know about Akira and Undine, but Ichigo? He's another one, from Jacopo's faction. He thinks he's going to die tonight, too. He was working on a list when I met with him earlier, so check his body at the investigation, if it comes to that. If not, ask him about it. It looked promising. He's good people, too. He's been healing me all week.
Uh... What else? Hm. [There's a tapping sound, like he's drumming his fingers trying to think.] Oh, I, uh. I talked to Max earlier in the week. He said we didn't screw ourselves out of getting saved at the end. By, y'know, killing Jacopo. He said he wouldn't have given us the hint and encouraging us to murder if it was just going to screw us over in the end. Told you, dude. And--
[He stops short.]
Sorry. I almost said something I'm not supposed to say. I'd tell you if I could, but you can just as easily figure it out for yourself. You should, um, ask Max about meeting with the Composer. You'll have to write up a letter--I just scribbled something out on a page I tore out of the rulebook, it's pretty low pressure--and, well, that should get you in. Maybe you could meet with the Conductor, too? I don't know much them. Here's what I did find out, though.
[There's some rustling as he organized his notes. This was important enough to write down, apparently.]
Okay, um... Man, where do I start? She said she is the one to determine who gets to live and who stays dead at the end of the game. I don't think it works quite like we've been assuming. It's not a matter of limited slots versus everyone surviving. It's more like... Limited slots is the default, but if we do well collectively, I think she'll choose to increase the number of slots. Theoretically, everyone can survive--including the Reapers, though they just get to keep being Reapers--but she said anyone who does individually terribly in the game won't get a second shot at life, no matter how well the rest of us do. It's easier to rule people out than to say for sure who is getting a second chance, apparently. Of course, she wouldn't tell me who's all on either list right now, but, um, I asked about you. You're in the clear as of now. So is Mary. Me too, uh, theoretically.
She said she's not sure how long the game is going to continue--like, we're approaching the time limit, but she couldn't be sure as to whether or not we'll end this thing prematurely. But she did say that we're "fairly close" to saving everyone, and that we'll likely know for sure by next week. If we managed to save everyone or not, I mean. And, shit, I guess I didn't ask if she meant that we as Players would find out or if just she would know... My bad. Ask her if you get around to meeting with her.
I was asking her about that weird note Taako found, the one about all of us being top candidates for winning our home games? Or whatever? Each game is different, apparently. They all have different goals, different hoops to jump through... Like, the examples she gave: Some are just completing missions like the ones we do every week, some are, uh, much more... Unforgiving, I think she said. Brutal. Something like that. And they always have one way to win. It's pass/fail. Simple.
Now you know everything I do. Did. I don't know. I guess I'm probably one of those "souls" floating around now or something. I'll send you a message if I can. I don't, uh, know how being dead works. And, um... Don't go throwing in the towel or getting reckless just because I'm not around to keep you on the ball. If you blow this and I'm dead forever, I'm personally gonna haunt your ass, you hear me? You think the music in the lab is bad now, well... [He laughs a little.] Don't let them throw out my specimens and stuff, please. That stuff is important. I know you and everyone else gets on my case about the whole "Kaiju groupie" thing but, seriously Hermann, knowledge is valuable. If you all do manage to save the world, it's still worth learning about what we were up against. Studying the Kaiju has a ton of potential. I, uh... I guess I don't know how, exactly, since all that's been scrubbed out of my head, but... [He makes a noncommittal "mm" noise. A vocal shrug.
And then there's a few seconds of silence.]
So... Cool. Good luck solving my, uh, murder and all. I'll see you around then, I guess. Maybe.
...Bye.
[There's a click as he shuts the recording off.]
no subject
Okay, actually, you know what? Go to hell, Hermann. Like, don't actually, if you don't win this I'll--whatever, just, fuck you, okay? Seriously. I can't believe that you'd... Where do you get off, huh? We're crammed in a lab together for five years--five years, dude--plenty of alone time to, I don't know, talk to me about this... Whatever it is, and, god, you...
This is what it took? We had to fucking kill a guy and scramble to cover our asses before you admit some, what the hell were you calling it...? Half truth! A half truth? Really, Hermann? What does that even mean? And you didn't even say it to me! You dropped it to a crowd of people when I was up to other shit. When you thought I wouldn't even hear it. After everything we--I thought--
[He cuts himself off with a growl, and there's a loud bang. The recording goes quiet for a long time. Two minutes, maybe three. Every now and then there's some rustling or a breath. At some point, there's a thin clatter--glasses dropping onto a table. Eventually there's a deep, shaky breath, and then he's talking again. His voice is quieter, a bit muffled.]
A few weeks does matter, Hermann. Maybe... Maybe you don't think it does. Fine, I guess. Believe what you want. Clearly this is not something we've ever seen eye to eye on. What's one more addition to that list?
It mattered to me, though. And I keep banking on having more time, but the fact is, we probably don't. It's too little too late, I know, but if this really is it... I'm just tired of waiting around pretending like we're going to trip and fall into figuring this out eventually. That would've happened by now if it was gonna happen, and--I should just go find you, I guess, and we should talk about this before curfew hits, but I can't, okay? I'm not good at this. I barely even know what I'm saying, here.
[He takes another breath.]
I, um... I lied to you. I do remember some of the Drift. I realized it a few days after we got here. Like a residual memory or something. I, um, it was from when we first met. It's hazy. I only got flashes, kind of like trying to remember a dream, but you were so... I felt how excited you were. And nervous, and... And then you saw me, and I opened my stupid mouth. You know how it went. It--it was like I could feel the exact moment where I fucked it up. Where you flipped on me. I think... Maybe that's why I didn't realize it wasn't my memory right away. It hit too close to home, you know? Too familiar.
But even seeing it from both sides like that, I don't get it. I don't get what happened. And that's what's so frustrating! How come... Why did we work so well on paper? It's not like I was ever trying to... I wasn't different. I don't understand how both of us had these--these wildly wrong expectations for each other. That doesn't make sense to me. How could we get that wrong?
And then we just, ah, well, that was it. I checked my email obsessively for, like, months. But apparently that dissonance was so bad that I scared you away. So I wrote you off too. Or, uh, tried to, I guess would be more accurate... I thought I did, I thought I'd be able to avoid you once we got to Hong Kong and it'd be fine, but... That was the first time I'd been in a helicopter, you know? You totally ruined it for me. It was so... Three years felt, like, really heavy all the sudden.
[Another few beats of silence.]
I guess the thing I'm circling here is, uh... Why didn't you... What happened? I know, I know, I could've shot you a message first, but... It hurt, okay? No one's ever... Hell, I told my dad about you? And I guess I wouldn't shut up, because he started giving my uncle the eyebrows whenever you'd come up again, and... [He sighs.]
You... felt something, right? I'm not making that up? We... There was something there, I think, and, I don't know. I don't know! I'm pissed off that it wasn't even on your radar! If you really didn't feel anything then, whatever, I can live with that, but I don't... You had to have known. That's why you brought it up at the trial. A half truth, yeah, right. [There's a scoff.] My half truth.
And--and I'm probably going to die tonight. You know that, don't you? But where the hell are you? We have, like, hours, and... [A dull thud.] How can that mean nothing? How can that not matter? It's all we have! And we're still not talking about this! How fucking stupid are we, Hermann? We had a month and a half and we did nothing with it!
You know what? To hell with this. I'm... I'm not dying with all this shit left hanging in the air between us. Like it or not, we're dealing with it.
[There's some fumbling, and then the recording clicks off.]
no subject
It clicks back on again.]
But, um. Just... in case, I guess.
[He takes a deep breath, lets it out slowly.]
You are as smart as me, you know. Smarter, maybe? Definitely, when it comes to some things. And that's the thing, like, I've never... I don't get that with people. I'm nobody's peer. I never have been. For one reason or another, everyone's always writing me off. Fine! I write them off too. I'm sick of being leagues above everyone else. Go ahead and call that arrogant if you want, but you know how it is. No one really gets us.
But you... I don't know. I guess you were the first person I ever really clicked with on that level. And maybe if I hadn't been such an idiot, I would've taken more initiative on making that the important part of it all. I've, uh, never been great at managing expectations, heh.
Looking back, though... It wasn't that bad, the first time we met. It just wasn't, you know. Perfect. But it was better than what came after, and what came after is what we've been basing everything else on. That's... I don't want to do that anymore.
But it's like I said: Too little too late. I don't know if I'll find you before curfew you hits, but, um. If I don't, I guess... I'm glad we had this extra time, even if we wasted it. I... Of all the people I could've wound up here with, I'm glad it was you.
Hermann, I'm... I'm so sorry.
[The recording clicks off. For good this time.]