week 2 - hermann - friday post-investigation

[completelycrazy]

[It's late when Newt finally finishes playing CSI, but once he does, he goes to track down Hermann.

Who is in the McDonald's, mysteriously. Hm. Weird place to find him.]

Hey. [Newt is obviously tired when he sits down across from his partner, but also they uhh really have some shit to talk about.] So, uh... The bodies didn't turn up much of anything we didn't already know, but it looks like Ranpo might've been done in by a team. Maybe. Tough to say.

[...]

And regardless, that's still four murderers in play.

Comments

[completelycrazy]

Well, me specifically, but you by extension. [Hermann's just as smart as Newt, even if he hasn't specialized in fields that will do them much good here. But Newt would never admit that, not out loud.] Max said our fates are tied together, or whatever. I die, and you die too. No one's going to want to partner with you.

[It's... sort of a joke. One he regrets as soon as Hermann names the Kaiju.]

Yamarashi. [He's never heard that name before.] Right. I remember that Beckett guy. What a jerk... [He scoffs.] And of course you wouldn't retain much. You're the Jaeger fanboy.

[He pulls his arms off the table and into his lap, looking away.] I didn't say we should play dumb. Everyone knows by now that we're smart. I'm just... I'm saying we don't have to be as gung-ho about it.

[byjove]

[Hermann's immediate reaction is to get angry at that comment, but his emotions are still tangled up from the trial, and he can't quite manage it. A dozen comebacks snap into his head, but he lets them go. He knows he's difficult. And he might be smart, but he hasn't exactly made any friends here.

Now they're both looking away, and there's an awkward silence for a minute.]

I threw my lot in with the Jaeger program because I wholeheartedly believed it was the only thing that could save us. I made enemies doing that, as you are probably aware, but I never left. [He's made enemies doing a lot of things but listen, he's having a moment.]

I won't fault you for thinking of survival, but I think our best chance to win the game is to play it from both sides. We may have to do something unfortunate, but we also have to catch the others who try the same. And I'm going to continue giving that my best effort, dangerous or not.

[completelycrazy]

[As usual, Hermann does the thing Newt wants him to do least. Why can't he just yell back? Why aren't they at each other's throats right now? They should be. That's normal. That's easy. A calm explanation of differing viewpoints has never been their style, especially not when emotions are involved.

They rarely are, but, damn, Newt forgot about Hermann's dad. In retrospect, the Jaeger fanboy comment... That was maybe a step too far.

But it's not like Hermann can fault him for forgetting. They don't exactly have deep discussions about their feelings. All of what Newt knows, he's learned in passing. It's impossible not to pick up a few personal details when you share a lab with someone for five years.

And, well. On top of their interactions before that. But that was a long time ago.

Whatever. Hermann's never paid attention to Newt in that much detail, either. He doesn't even remember the Kaiju basics, apparently, and that knowledge extends well beyond Newt's personal life. That's just embarrassing, Hermann.]

Yeah, well... Good for you, sticking to your guns. [There's a bite of sarcasm to his voice.]

This isn't the same thing, though. This isn't... It's not some distant, looming apocalypse. Mankind versus the... [He huffs out a sigh. They have a name. He knows they have a name.] Big bad alien race. We make enemies here, with the wrong people? We die. Permanently.

[It's scarier, somehow, when it's personal. Dying at the hands of the Kaiju would be horrifying but easier to stomach if the entire world was being brought down with him. To be singled out and eliminated as a threat, though? Maybe that's the difference. At home, he was part of a pack. He had as much to fear as the rest of humanity, but he had tools. His lab, his intelligence, his knowledge. Here, he's back to square one. He may be smarter than everyone else, but he has a whole new system to learn. This place doesn't work like home. Even the advantages he does have make him a target. He can't go full throttle because then the Reapers will know what he's capable of and it'll be pictures of his body mixed in with the selfies of the week.

He scratches at his wrist, studying the edges of ink peeking out from his sleeve. Yamarashi has claws, apparently. He can't remember what the tattoo looks like. It's like it disappears again once he looks away. He doesn't even know what his body looks like.]

You're contradicting yourself, Hermann. We can't play both sides. If we take a more active role in things, we're just adding to the confusion at the trial. That works in the Reapers' favor. Tomorrow's going to be a nightmare with all that evidence, you and I both know that. We can't solve four murders in nine hours. We just can't.

[He's not sure where he's going with this, exactly, but he can't just agree.]

[byjove]

[Just imagine I said investigation instead of trial in my last post. lol]

A distant, looming apocalypse? Is that what it is to you?

[You wanted him snapping, so here he is. But miraculously he manages to rein it in before he's full-on shouting. He still sounds pissed tho.]

I realize you may have forgotten, but the threat was a bit more immediate than that. You were almost eaten by Otachi. And its offspring. The last battle took place less than a mile from the Shatterdome. And if we fail to get back? The world is going to end. We will be out of options for stopping the Kaiju, and the Precursors- [whoa where did that word come from?] will wipe out humanity.

[He takes a second to breathe.]

I am not contradicting myself. If we erase someone, we'll know which evidence was ours. We can't be obvious about it, but we can steer others away from our crime and toward another. And we don't have to solve four murders, we only need to solve one.

[completelycrazy]

[Newt rolls his eyes and sinks back into his chair, not unlike a petulant teenager getting chewed out by a parent. He doesn't remember those recent brushes with death, no. He just remembers getting funneled into an underground shelter, and then something caved in the ceiling, and he was more afraid than he's ever been in his life. Blue, there was a lot of blue. Something was hunting him. It plays back in his head a little like a film reel with some of the frame scratched out, like he's recalling a dream. Like blinking your eyes over and over and over.]

Who cares, Hermann? Honestly, who cares? If we don't make it back to save the world, we're dead already. It's not like we'd know any different.

[He knows how messed up that line of thinking is. He does care about the world, even if he doesn't get to be in it anymore, but... Well.]

Neither of us signed up for this. We're not Jaeger pilots, all geared up to sacrifice ourselves for the greater good. Like, we died, dude. We're dead. And we tried like hell to pull this out for humanity and the world and all that, but things blew up in our face, and that's it.

[He folds his arms over his chest, his voice losing some of its edge as he continues.] Can't that, like... Why does us dying have to factor in to the big picture? Why can't it just be about us? Our lives are done, dude, and we have a chance to win them back, but... I'm playing this game for me, not for everyone else on the goddamn planet. We've done enough for them.

[byjove]

[I'm sorry is he in his chair because he's not gonna be for long. Hermann actually gets the fuck up and grabs him by his collar and yanks him upward. He's not strong enough to actually lift him into the air, but his size gives him a slight advantage here.]

Are you even listening to yourself? I can't believe you'd be so... so selfish!

[And that's about as far as he can go with holding someone up. He drops Newt roughly back down and collapses into his own chair.]

You knew what you were getting yourself into when you decided to drift with the Kaiju brain. So did I. We did sacrifice ourselves for the greater good. And all for nothing if we don't get out of here alive. Of course our deaths factor into the big picture, everything hinges on what we learned. It wasn't about us in the first place.

[He shoots Newt a withering look.]

At least it wasn't about me. [He remembers all those rockstar comments. All that time Newt spent trying to prove himself. Is that really where his priorities are?]

Can't you think of anyone else for once? Everyone else? Get your head out of your ass.

[Achievement Unlocked: get Hermann mad enough to cuss at you. He's silent for a moment, and then his next words are very quiet.]

I thought better of you.

[completelycrazy]

[Newt has never seen Hermann move so fast in his life. The sudden burst of anger takes him by surprise. He's not quick enough to scramble away before Hermann is in his face, screaming at him, tethering him in place by his collar. He could shake out of Hermann's grip easily enough, he's sure, but he's too shocked to move. His fingers tighten around the arms of his chair.

And then Hermann lets him go and he's back in his own chair but he's still yelling and all Newt can do is listen in stunned silence.

He and Hermann have yelled at each other before. Hell, the vast majority of their relationship is founded on screaming at each other. This is different, though. They've fought about science and theories and the state of the lab and Newt's taste in music and everything petty under the sun. Morals, though? Hermann's honest opinion of him, not as a colleague but as a person? This has never happened before.

Newt doesn't like it.

I thought better of you.

Newt is so rarely bothered by other people's opinions of him, but this tears open an icy void in his chest. It's familiar, in a sense.

He could've made the first move. The descent into silence after their meeting, that was as much Newt's fault as it was Hermann's. It didn't need to last three years. It shouldn't have lasted three years, but... He was stubborn, maybe. Busy with work. Angry, having spent years bonding with a man that evidently didn't actually exist. He thought they understood each other. He's never been great with people, but, wow, that far off the mark... That was as much his fault as it was Hermann's, too.

If Hermann paid more attention, he would know that Newt doesn't mean any of this. Of course Hermann is right. Of course he is. But admitting that invalidates everything that Newt isn't sure how to say, not to Hermann.

He's scared. He's scared, and there's a very good chance he's just lost his only true ally here. Something like this shouldn't quite mark the end for them, but, well. Historically speaking, the odds are not in his favor.

Newt tosses his glasses onto the table, scrubs his hands over his eyes. He stays there, pulling himself together before calculating his reaction. After a few moments, he stands up, snapping up his glasses again.]

Whatever. [His voice is cracking a little.] Don't... Just quit saying "we" and "us" like it means something, alright? You piggybacked off of my theory and that's it.

[He's not sure what that theory was, but he does know it was his. And Hermann didn't believe in him until the eleventh hour.]

It's not like you need Drift compatibility to engage a neural bridge for more than a few seconds, anyway. Hell, doing it myself the first time got me far enough. You should've just let me do it alone. [He pauses, remembering something.] You only came along to prove your own theory, anyway. How'd that work out for you?

[It's rhetorical. Newt's done with this conversation. He doesn't even know what he's saying anymore. He stuffs his hands into his pockets and makes for the exit.]